


Compartmentalise

by pmw



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Era 1 (Steven Universe), F/F, Gem War, Past Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Pearl struggles with her self worth, Rose struggles with some of her self hatred/ self deprication, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, sweet ending though!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26608900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pmw/pseuds/pmw
Summary: A kiss on the cheek usually cheers Pearl up, so why didn’t it work this time?
Relationships: Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 24





	Compartmentalise

**Author's Note:**

> Different to what (cough/ more like who /cough) I usually write about, but it was nice.
> 
> This is kind of soft- kind of sad.
> 
> Emotions!

A Pearl should always be at her owners side, unless given a direct order not to be. This is the expectation for all Pearls, no matter how their owner ranked.

Pearl stood silently next to Pink Diamond. She had no choice but to. A Diamond doesn’t deserve to be without their possessions after all, and possessions shouldn’t speak.

Don’t speak unless being spoken to, and even then, don’t dare to speak when unnecessary.

Pink was different in private, of course. Always had been. Some things are harder to change than others. 

But they weren’t in private. The screens in front of them were lit up with the images depicting Blue and Yellow Diamond. They were each talking to her, from one of their own many moon bases.

A status report. 

It was unorthodox for a Diamond to be filling a report like this, but Blue and Yellow insisted that Pink needed it. It was her first colony after all, and well, they both knew what Pink was like. 

They did have to admit that she had matured immensely in the last few thousand years... after her first Pearl was-

Pink was tired, she had spent the last 3 days in her manufactured from, fighting for a planet she was destroying.

Her last efforts to convince the others was futile. They told her to finish what she had started. Since then, she had met Garnet, she had made new allies. It wasn’t just her and Pearl fighting, it was the Crystal Gems.

Today she would play her part, give her report, and then end the call. The Crystal Gem’s were mentioned, although she had begun to wish she hadn’t told Blue the name of the group. 

She wished she had lied and said there were rumours of an uprising, instead of saying she was finding the colony more and more difficult with the threat of a rebellion, because of the Crystal Gems. 

It was hard for Pink to keep her real emotions from showing when the name was spat out in disgust.

The reports were tortuous.

A tired sigh escaped Pink’s lips as the screens went away. It was just her and Pearl, although the top of the moon base was transparent.

“Hey Pearl, wanna come down to the Observation Deck.”

“Of course, My Diamond.”

As they walked down the stairs, Pink couldn’t take her eyes off of Pearl. “Please, you don’t have to call me your Diamond, not when it’s just us.”

Pearl blankly looked up at Pink. “My apologies, My... It’s hard.”

Pink sat herself down on the stairs. She swung her legs over the side, so they were touching the ground, her back facing the mural of White Diamond. She could never bring herself to look at it.

“What’s hard?” Pink wasn’t stupid. Ignorant and naive at times, but not stupid. She knew what Pearl was talking about, but Pearl deserved to express herself.

Pearl sighed. Even with Pink sitting on the steps, she was much taller than Pearl. Pink pushed herself down onto her knees. She was still a good head taller than Pearl.

Pearl looked reluctant to speak, but Pink had asked her a question. She couldn’t not answer it. 

“It’s hard to not serve you the way I am supposed to... it’s what I was made for.”

Pink sighed. “I understand.” She gently placed a hand on Pearl’s cheek, who stared back at her blankly. “But hey, you’re doing pretty good at it when you have a sword in your hand.” Pink gave a goofy smile.

Distractions.

Pearl closed her eyes, and gave a slight smile. She was very proud of her swordsmanship. It was one of the only things she had began to be delighted to talk about. If she was given the opportunity to, she could talk for hours about her techniques, and fighting styles with her swords. 

She had accumulated a large variety in her gem- Bismuth was always more than happy to make her new ones, even when Pearl insisted not to make a fuss. 

Bismuth was stubborn like that, and Pearl was very fond of her for it. It was easier not to think of herself as just a Pearl when Bismuth was around to boost her confidence.

She felt the same about Rose. Rose made her feel like she more more than just a Pearl.

But neither of them were there right now.

She didn’t know it yet... but she wasn’t going to see Bismuth for a very, very long time.

Pearl’s smile turned into a frown. She felt... hollow. She didn’t want to be where she was, she wanted to be out on the battlefield, fighting alongside her allies. She wanted her friends.

Pink took note of the change in Pearl’s expression. She parted her legs, so that she could pull Pearl into her chest.

Pink rested her chin on Pearl’s head, as she embraced her. Pearl stood stiffly, her arms tightly by each side.

Pink pulled back to plant a gently kiss on the cheek her hand had been.

Pearl’s response was silence. She didn’t seem thrilled, her cheeks didn’t change their tint to the pale teal Rose had become so fond of.

Instead she looked... like a Pearl. She was expressionless, standing at attention. Nothing more than a storage container with legs, awaiting the next order.

Pink stood up, and Pearl turned her back to her. Was Pearl... uncomfortable?

“While we are here, we should use the observation orb to see if everyone is okay down there. I know you often worry about them while we’re here.”

Pink looked away in shame.

She was good at that by now. 

...

The battle was over. Pearl had done what she always did, throw herself in front of Rose. Pearl never cared about her own safety, and was proud of it. She was praised for her dedication to Rose, and would do anything to make sure Rose was safe.

Of course she did. If Rose dissipated, even once, her gem would lay bare for everyone to se. They would know who she really was.

No.

It was more than just that.

Pearl threw herself in front of Rose, because she wanted to protect Rose. This Pearl was made to serve a Diamond, not to be a guard. Pearl was more than a guard, she was a protector, a knight, a young gem in love with someone she shouldn’t be.

“I have a shield Pearl. You’re much to dear to me, you can’t just throw yourself in harms way!”  
“You’re too much of a target to be safe with just a shield! Let me protect you!”  
“Pearl! You can’t keep-“  
“Why can’t you just let me do this for you, Rose!”

Rose had quickly fallen in love with Pearl’s bravery, but she also regretted her self destructive behaviour.

Hypocritical.

As she sat there, protectively cupping the lightless gem in her palms, silent thoughts began to verbalise themselves, without her entirely noticing.

“Pearl, why do you always do this? I can protect myself... I don’t want you to get hurt.” Tears began to prick at the corners of her eyes. “I’m so sorry... I get too distracted... I can never protect you, not the way you protect me.” The tears began to run down her cheeks, flushed with anger. “I’m sorry! Healing you after you hurt yourself... it isn’t enough! What if... my power isn’t permanent... what if one day...”

She shook the thought from her head.

Rose held the small, smooth gem to her chest. The new, unfamiliar soft padding made her feel like she was protecting her dearest friend. She gently rubbed her thumb over the gem in her hand, before stopping herself.

“What am I doing? She doesn’t want this.” Rose placed the gem in her lap, the colour almost camouflaged on her dress.

After what had happened yesterday on the observation deck, Rose was glad that Pearl wasn’t aware of the fact Rose had held her gem so tenderly.

But how that made her feel oh so much worse.

“I’m so sorry Pearl, I don’t know what I did wrong, but I promise. I’ll never do that again.”

Rose sat in silence. Her berating thoughts crashing around her mind, like they were being shot of out her laser light canons, instead of tumbling out of her mouth.

She silently cursed herself, squeezing her eyes shut and gritting her teeth in frustration. Tears falling onto her arms, onto her dress.

She was being too negligent, to impulsive, too emotional. She kept getting distracted, surely that’s what she wanted deep down inside, otherwise she would be able to stay focused? 

She was too reckless.

She didn’t mean to, but she would find her thoughts slipping from looking at the big picture of things, to looking at the smaller ones. She would catch herself thinking about herself, and how things effected her. 

How selfish of her.

Her Pink light was shining through.

Rose only opened her eyes when her eyelids couldn’t block out the light escaping from Pearl’s gem.

She was reforming.

Pearl let the gem float out of her hands in front of her. She took a few steps back. While she had never done it herself, she knew Pearl liked her space when reforming.

Pearl never took her time when reforming. 

She once let herself voice how she hated it. Maybe things will be different one day- maybe one day she won’t have to force herself to regenerate within hours, sometimes even minutes.

Rose hoped that for her.

The light earnestly spewed out of Pearl’s gem, despite to take form. When their manifested light wasn’t encompassing their gem, they were at their most vulnerable. They couldn’t protect themselves from attacks, or accidents, but Pearl was more concerned about not being able to protect Rose.

The light began to form the same outfit Pearl had worn when she was given to Pink, but as Pearl’s skin and hair came into sight, her clothes continued to glow, moulding itself into her war outfit.

When Pearl had completely reformed, her expression bore a bone chilling fear. A fear that could only be tamed by seeing Rose towering over her. 

Safe.

Pearl quickly took in her surroundings, they were in their secret place. Hidden from the Homeworld Gems, but also hidden from their Crystal Gem allies.

It was quickly becoming a storage facility for Rose- she kept the Quartizine Trio there, amongst other things.

Pearl would have been happy to store everything in her gem, but Rose refused. She didn’t want to use Pearl as a storage facility. Pearl was a friend, a lover, not just some unit she could pile all her things into.

This room was a way to be hidden, but it was also a small way Rose subconsciously expressed that Pearl was so much more to her than what Homeworld thinks of a Pearl.

But ultimately, this was their secret place. Pearl and Rose were the only two gems who knew about it’s existence.

They avoided many conversation topics there, but it’s where they felt the safest to speak freely to each other. To speak privately, or to not speak at all. More often than not, not many words were spoken at all.

A silent glance, a hushed sigh, graceful movements, tender touches. Loving, meaningful, consensual.

They didn’t always need words.

Pearl was struggling to find hers. Feeling safe from the immediate threat of war, she began to tear up.

Rose wanted kept her distance. She didn’t want to upset Pearl, she never did, bus especially after yesterday. Rose knew how particularly fragile Pearl could be after reforming too fast. It was emotional.

Pearl didn’t let Rose keep her distance though, and quickly lunged towards Rose.

Rose almost fell back as the full weight of smaller gem smaller into her front, and wrapped her arms around her waist, burying her face in her chest. “I’m so glad you’re safe! I’m always so worried after I poof-“

Rose awkwardly held her arms out to each side, like when she was controlling her descent to the ground. It usually made her feel more graceful, but now, she just felt confused.

Pearl lifted her hands to Rose’s shoulders, and pushed herself up so that she could wrap her arms around Rose’s neck, entangling her fingers in her hair. Pearl’s cheeks flushed with her soft teal warmth, when she leant forward to break the little distance between them, with a kiss.

As Pearl’s lips melted onto her own, Rose was hesitant to wrap her arms around Pearl, but did cave in. 

Rose thought she would never touch Pearl again, not like this, maybe not like anything outside of battle. Pearl had seemed so different, like she didn’t want her when Pink had-

Of course. It was nothing Rose had done. It was Pink.

In the moments after Pearl broke the gentle kiss, Rose looked up into her eyes. She could see Pearl held no resentments to Rose for the kiss as Pink Diamond.

While she didn’t hate Rose for it, Pearl didn’t love Pink Diamond. Rose held no negative feelings to Pearl for that. 

Rose would never be able to bring herself to say she loved herself, even in the form Pearl had designed for her. But she knew she liked Rose more than Pink, or maybe it was more fitting that she hated Rose less than Pink.

It dawned on Rose that had never kissed Pearl as Pink Diamond before. She made a promise to herself, for Pearl, to never do that again.

It was something she would always regret, but in that moment, she smiled a sad smile.

“Is everything okay Rose?”

The tears began to gently fall over Rose’s face again, made easier by the wet she hadn’t wiped away earlier. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Rose placed Pearl gently on the ground, to lean forward and plant a soft kiss on the gem on her forehead.

Before Pearl had the chance to voice her concern, the teal crept across her cheeks and nose. The teal always flushed a darker tone, when it was her gem being subjected to a kiss.

Rose placed a hand on Pearl’s cheek. With a slight smile, she looked into Pearl’s eyes through her own tears. She managed the softest tone of voice she could, her face wet with tears, for a moment her expression showed only endearment.

“My Pearl.”


End file.
